The Red Dress Blog Meme: Song Inspiration

Wow- it's been a while since I've written anything! I've been so busy the past few weeks. One of our supervisors at work is out on surgical leave and I've stepped in helping with the tasks she usually does. I've also been working on handknit items that I sell. So far all are commissioned, and need to be done well before Christmas. My email was hacked, which led to my Facebook being hacked, as well as my Blogger page since both were connected to that email account. Add to that one of dogs being struck and killed by a car, and you can see that writing inspiration is just not there. I just had no heart. But with music always being integral in my life, this week's meme was something I felt I just HAD to write. So I did about 15 minutes ago. I'm not going to edit anything, just throwing it up here and saying "Have at it". Enjoy.

"How the Dog Broke Your Bone"

The twelve-year anniversary is coming up soon. Twelve years since she was taken from me, leaving me to wander and wonder why. It was her hand that took her, her mind holding her hostage, driving her along the fatal course that I couldn’t navigate, as much as I tried, just to save her. In the end, it was nothing but tail lights and me alone in the road.

It seemed she was destined to follow his lead. He, with the silken voice and cloudy eyes, he with the demons that only seemed to draw her in tighter. His word was gospel and I was the heretic, speaking out against his truths, and I was condemned to burn at the stake for the witch I was.

And then he was gone. Overpowered by his demons, he spiraled into oblivion and was gone. She was shattered, fragile, full of feelings of failure that she could not save him. My words gave her no comfort. His demons became hers, feeding on the darkness filling her soul. Internal voices picking apart her mind, clouding her thoughts, crushing the spirit I had fallen in love with. She never showed she was hurting. Always the strong one.

And in his footsteps, on a different path, she traveled. While she had the sky as her playground, she chose the coldness of the ground to lay her head. Lost as prayer on the wind, never again to gaze at the stars that once held her childhood dreams, our love she held was not enough to save her. The agony for her was felt by us all when we realized holding her would never again happen.

I hold onto the thought that a soul as beautiful as she is in an eternal realm, as equally beautiful. I see her in my dreams, in my child who bears her name and is too young to remember. I see her in the sunlight that streams through my window and caresses my cheek as she once did. I hear her voice on the wind as it rustles the leaves on a fall day.

There is never a day where she is not in my thoughts, and I can only pray that when my time comes she’ll be there, waiting for me, her arms open and warm, and a smile on her lips. “Syd, say hello to heaven,” and in her embrace I’ll find it.



“Say Hello 2 Heaven”, Temple of the Dog

http://www.songlyrics.com/temple-of-the-dog/say-hello-2-heaven-lyrics/

Another Day, Another Dollar

This has not been a good week so far. Halfway through and I haven't exercised at all except for housework. I have also forgotten my lunch the past 2 days, so I'm hitting up McDonald's since it is fast and I can get a Happy Meal. Tonight I have to remind myself to pack my lunch. I mean, that's why I have kick ass Serenity and Star Wars lunchboxes, right?


DIET: Yeah it's been pretty bad. We ate at home every night though. I did kind of gorge on pizza one night, eating about half of a pie. Even though it was a small one, it's still a lot. The rest of the week is manageable since there is no more pizza. I have to keep in mind- Portion Control.


EXERCISE: Yeah, not a bit. My girl and I are going running today, though. Well I'll be running, she wants to rollerblade. I'm okay with that. We did go to the museum last Friday and spent 2 1/2 hours walking around, as well as an hour outside walking. It was nice and by the time we got home we were plumb tuckered out. That counts a little bit, I would think.


FAMILY: The family is well. Mike's possibly going to be working some Saturdays to get caught up on some testing his company has going on. Rach and I are now part of a fife and drum corp. We got fitted for our uniforms on Thursday (another kick to the groin there) and have our first performance on 3 July. There is a parade in the morning and a sit-down performance in the evening. It should be fun. Flute choir also started back up last night. This will change my rest days from Sunday to Tuesday now. We will be getting new music to look over, and our last orchestra performance of the season is Saturday. That's going to be fun because it's all sounding really good. We're also going through and deciding how to redecorate the house. I'm getting some solid ideas from Mike and Rach. We're looking at taking up the laminate and painting the concrete underneath. I've seen some pictures and it looks good. Rach wants her room painted in the Texas Longhorns orange and white, so we'll be looking at that as well. Still no idea on the living room, but I'm wanting an apple green in the front room with white trim and black furniture. I think that will look nice. Once it's done- hello hi-fi console with a turntable! :)


ARTSY: Still nothing on the artsy front. I've gotten a few ideas from some blogs on things to try. One will be a pendant lamp for Rach's bedroom. It seems pretty simple, but we'll see once I get started on it. I still have hats to knit, scarves to block, and a dog mat to sew. I need to hurry and get that front room squared away so I can hunt for a large desk to go in there. It'll be nice when it's all done.


GOALS: To say I haven't met my goals would be a gross understatement. Very little water, a lot of soda, and poor eating. And of course no blogging. I need to find a way to remedy that. Carry a water bottle all the time? A small notebook to write everything down? Those both may be some darn good ideas. We'll go with that. Tonight I'll go home, pack my lunch, and stick a water bottle and notebook in my bag.


I didn't lose any weight, but I didn't gain either.


GOALS FOR THE WEEK:

1. Carry a water bottle daily.
2. Pack my lunch daily.
3. Write down in a notebook everything I eat and drink.

WEIGHT LOSS GOAL: 2 lbs

Ready.... Get Set.....

I've been pretty happy with myself this week. There are plenty of updates with everything!

DIET
I have been a LOT happier this week with my progress. I've barely eaten out- in fact, I don't recall eating out since my last post. I've brought my lunch every day to work, and if i forget it, I've gone to the grocery store near the office and gotten something sensible. Although I still have sodas during the day, I offset it with water. I have been keeping a gallon jug on my desk, and a large cup filled with ice, and that tends to hold me over. Yesterday I had a little water, but more soda so there would be less-frequent bathroom breaks. I was the primary emergency operator, which meant I needed to be at my desk as much as possible. I am having a cup of coffee today, and for breakfast I had a turkey sausage bowl. Lunch will be chicken and dumpling soup, and dinner will be chicken and biscuits. All really sensible. Except on Saturday. Saturday I made myself some awesome chicken and waffles. They. Were. Exquisite.

EXERCISE
I wish I could say that the weather has been fabulous lately, and I've been running daily, and I'm feeling great- that would all be a great big lie. We're starting to reach the triple digits here, so last week I ran 3 days, then the rest of the week (Thursday to Saturday) I didn't. Sunday I got up early and ran, and those conditions were perfect. Yesterday, however, I thought I was going to die. I kept my pace really slow to avoid overheating, but even so I still got a little lightheaded and had a little trouble taking a deep breath. Once we got home I took a nice cool shower, and I was fine from there. My girl did the same thing, though she alternated her running and walking to give her a quicker pace. She's doing well, I have to admit, and she seems to really enjoy coming with me to run. Unless InuYasha is on. Then she's going to stay home, like she did on Sunday. We're going to be running every day this week except Sunday. I'll have it actually be a true rest day, unless I skip a day of running.

FAMILY
The family is well. The hubster is working and playing his Xbox. Nothing new there. The girl is out of school. Not only did she make 1st chair symphonic band, but she is also 1st chair in jazz band. And only 2 flutes get into jazz band. Needless to say I'm thrilled. She and I are also joining a fife and drum corp. We go for our uniform fittings on Thursday. We have the music already, we just need to work on memorizing it since our first performance is on the 3rd of July. So, she will have symphonic band, jazz band, orchestra, flute choir and fife and drum corp, as well as a few AP classes and her regular school work. Thankfully there is no structured Girl Scouts now. We can go at our own pace. In fact, we start this Friday when we hit up the Dallas Women's Museum. It's going to be fun, and I think it'll be something she'll enjoy. We're coming to the hospital, where they have an awesome bronze hand display and we'll look that over. We'll then have lunch in the hospital cafeteria, then head over to the Women's Museum. It'll be a nice all day trip, I think. I'll have to make sure the batteries in the camera are fully charged and let her take the pictures. I'll just take the notes for the scrapbook. It'll be a good summer.

ARTSY
Nothing big on the artsy front lately. I did finish the Cupcake Scarf. I'm rearranging our front room again, so as soon as it's done I'll hand wash the scarf, then block it to dry. It's going to look good! And the rearranging shouldn't take but another day or two, I think. This weekend maybe? That way I can begin sewing again, and painting, and just giving myself another creative outlet. And add back to my Etsy store. Get that cash rolling in :)

GOALS
I think I failed in almost every one of my goals. I did drop almost 3 lbs, so I made that, but everything else? Nope. So I guess I'll keep them. Even if I don't log in to blog daily, I need to at least keep it on paper, then transcribe it the next time I log in. I think that will be rather helpful. So here we go...

 THIS WEEK'S GOALS:

1. Drink at least 64 oz of water daily.
2. Run every day
3. BLOG DAILY!!!!

It's Wednesday~

Alrighty, trying out the new format today. So let's see how this goes :)

DIET
Yesterday wasn't too bad.... Okay, I'm lying. I had McDonald's for breakfast (chicken biscuit with honey, hashbrowns and a coke). Lunch was 2 servings of the Nut Crisp crackers, and dinner was spaghetti, meatballs and 2 servings of cheesy bread. I think I've decided that I need to go back to the Daniel Fast, or at leat modify it enough to get the weight back off. I have to admit, I certainly did feel better. amd I slept great. I picked up some more snack crackers (sunflower and basil- should be interesting!) as well as a gallon jug of water. I'll be able to keep my large cup filled with ice, and refill the jug as needed. I did buy a 20 ox Coke Zero, adn I think it will be my only soda for the day. I need me lots of water! Today I have rice cakes and peanut butter for breakfast, and potato bacon soup for lunch. Not sure about dinner. Maybe leftover jasmine rice and veggies? Pick up some chicken breast and make a pseudo-stir fry?

EXERCISE
It's okay if I hate Texas in the summer, right? I went home after work and changed, then the kid and I headed up into Denton to run at Eureka. She wasn't feeling that great, so I ran and she took a short walk. 1.67 miles, 23:50 minutes. Still super slow. I'm looking for the sub-10 minute mile. Eventually I'll get there, but dammit it's a tough wait! I'm going to run again tonight, I think. I was able to keep my heart rate up and I got in some good sweating. I think it was definitely what I needed, too. I put on some older running shoes that have been packed up way too long. Other than a slight turn-in from the heel cups I was wearing (a must-have in my cross-trainers!) they handled great. They were the same shoes I was wearing when I sprained my ankle so badly last summer, too. I'll swap out my shoes here and there, and save on the mileage.

FAMILY
The kiddo is a little under the weather, but we found she has been trying to eat as much sweet stuff as she can find in the house. I think it is contributing to the tummy ache. She's also almost out of school. Maybe that is also a cause? We have a lot planned for the summer, like museums and sightseeing and whatnot. There will plenty of walking, which will be nice. And she'll be earning Girl Scout badges in the process. The museums are part of a big patch that makes up a flag pole with up to 8 flags on it. I thought that was fantastic. The hubster is just the same. When he's not working,. he's playing Modern Warfare 2 or Left 4 Dead 2. I don't mind- it's his thing and he enjoys it.

ARTSY
I've done no crafting this week at all. I think I'll be trying these pinwheel barettes I saw online, maybe send some to my cousin's girls. I'm thinking of getting some clay on payday and making my own custom buttons. I think their older girl will like some sugar skulls or zombies or something. I also need to finish the cupcake scarf, then do a dog mat for one of my supervisors. And ther are still three hats to be made for my radio friends. So much to do!

GOALS
Okay, onto the goals. Once a week (it'll be on a Monday, I think) I'll post my goals for the coming week, as well as whether or not I met the previous week's goals. I'll also post my weekly weight loss goal.

1. Drink at least 64 ounces of water daily
2. Be sure to run daily
3. BLOG DAILY!!!

Weigh Loss Goal for this week: 2 lbs

~~~~~~~~
Those shouldn't be too hard. Let's see how I do then. Until next time.

Tough Week

No exercising with the exception of household chores. I kind of watched what I ate at the beginning of the week, then it all fell all to hell. This morning wasn't too terribly bad. I had a venti caramel macchiato from Starbucks, as well as the mini vanilla bean scones. Not too bad, but I've had better. I do have chicken noodle soup for lunch, and dinner- I haven't even thought about dinner yet. We're having the kid's birthday party this afternoon at a park in Corinth, so there will be cake. Just a small one though. We're not going too big. Just a family thing for right now.

The girl and I went to see Wicked on Thursday in Dallas, and OMG. It was AMAZING! I have read the books, and I also have the soundtrack on CD, and am just thrilled with it. The story is indeed a little different than the book, but it is oh so good! I even got a little misty-eyed in a few places. :) The girl loved it, and as soon as it was over was asking to see it again. We may make this a yearly (or whenever it is here) thing. Next on our list is Spamalot. The national tour for next year has not been announced yet, so I'll be sure to keep an eye out.

I also had a chance to talk with the girl about running in a 5k. She is up for it and has been asking to go running with me more often. I think we may get signed up for the TMS 5k that usually happens in November. That way it's not in the heat of the summer (August runs blow in Texas) and it gives us plenty of time to train so there are no more Dash Down Greenville disappointments (42 minutes- seriously???).

I am also thinking of adjusting the way I do this blog. Instead of just freeforming it (and rambling) as I do now, I will have particular sections, like food, exercise, family, et cetera. I'll work something out over the next few days and put it into action as soon as I decide. I think this will certainly help as long as I make sure to blog just before bed.

I'm off to do some reading and finish my coffee. Finishing up one Stephen King novel (Lisey's Story) and continuing with another (From A Buick 8). It's been awhile, Mr King. :)

Ew. Just- Ew.

So my first week or two didn't go as I had planned. We went back to eating out a lot, and I've gone up on the scale. Totally my fault. I also didn't bring my lunch every day like I should have, so there have been plenty of days (and mornings) that I ate out. Again- totally my fault.

Started over. I stopped at the store last night and picked up a Turkey and Cheddar Lunchable sub kit. It has a little sub, some mini Nilla Wafers, applesauce, and water with a packet of Koolaid. And only 370 calories for the lot, including the packet of mayo I won't touch. So not too bad. Breakfast was two caramel corn rice cakes with some peanut butter. I think my toughest thing is kicking the soda again. I'll just have to ween again by drinking a glass of water minimum for every bit of soda I drink. That shouldn't be too hard.

Exercising has been hard too. I've been putting it off in lew of practicing for our flute choir performance this weekend. Actually tomorrow- YIKES! I think I'm kind of ready. This week I figure while I focus on practicing I'll work on cleaning up my eating. Once the performance is done, I can go back to my exercising. Baby steps. :)

I also need to sit and create my reward chart. Luggage and a passport will of course be the last things, but I was also thinking of throwing in some fabric for a cute skirt pattern I found. Maybe as I lose the weight I can also add to my sparse wardrobe (I have a TON of tshirts though) and also start making some of the skirts and simple shirts I like. I already have one bit of fabric picked out. It's a light breen and pink argyle. LOVE IT.

Okay, so I have to go get some water to supplement the soda I had with my rice cakes. According to my wicked calculations that I whipped up really quickly (thanks, Calculator!) in order get to my goal weight in one full year, I need to lose 1.7 lbs per week.

That is totally doable. :)

Day One

Today is Tuesday. Today I do kickboxing and free weights.

So Day One is down and in the books, and I have to say I think it went rather well. I brought my workout clothes to the office with me so there would be no reason to go home. Breakfast was a just a cup of coffee, then as a snack I had some cheesy sharks (I like my snacks to be juvenile, tyvm). Lunch was a peanut butter sandwich, Lays, orange Hi-C, and some mandarin oranges in jello. The jello was not that great. I did have 2 cans of Coke Zero throughout the day, supplemented with 40 ounces of water. Not as good as I could have been, but it was certainly better than I have been in the past. Dinner was Subway. I had a 6-inch spicy Italian, on the honey oat bread, with lettuce, tomato, pickles, cucumbers, and green peppers, with some oregano, salt and pepper. I topped it with some baked Lays and Moutain Blast Powerade, and I was good to go. I did have 2 glasses of Coke Zero at the house, though. That was bad.

I did get in some running. After changing here at the office I drove into Denton to South Lakes Park. Good smooth surface (it's all concrete) and I've already got the distances mapped so I know how far I've run. Rather than do the C25K program, I just slapped on my headphones and started running. I kept at a nice slow jog, nothing to completely wear me out, but just ease me back into the act of running. Not like I was ever very fast :) I did 1.67 miles in 21:57, so a very slow pace, but I completed it. Today is going to be a bit trickier, as I have flute choir practice, then orchestra rehearsal, and by the time I get home it'll be very close to bedtime. I think I should have enough time for a 10 minute kickboxing DVD, as well as at least one run-through of the Spartacus workout listed on Men's Health. I know, I know-"Smee, you're a girl! Why are you doing something from Men's Health that's designed for men?" I need to speed up my metabolism, and so far the only thing that has ever worked are exercises geared for men. Maybe it's leftover from my military days, maybe my genes are all jacked up- I don't know. But I know what works, and I think the Spartacus deal will work. Added bonus? Have you seen Andy Whitfield's abs? Amazing! ;)

Yesterday's mood seemed pretty good. There was only slight irritation at some of the calls I was taking. Nothing too horribly bad, however. I read Diablo Cody's "Candy Girl" most of the day between calls and it was a good book. I was pretty relaxed, and was looking forward to running. I did have some trouble falling asleep, but I sometimes do when I take time off from exercising, then jump back into it. I have had a headache though. Still had it when I woke up, which is my fault since I didn't take Advil before going to bed. I think I need to make sure I get to bed at a decent time, especially when I'm on the 7-day shift.

Today will be a good day. I started bad with McD's for breakfast (sausage McMuffin, hashbrowns, coke), but I have rice cakes and peanut butter for snack, then lunch is peanut butter on an English muffin, Doritos, applesauce and orange Hi-C. I should have swapped the Doritos with pretzels, I think. All in all, it'll be a good day. :D

The Conception

It has taken me ages to really decide how to proceed with this plan. I am 35 (36 in August, but don't tell anyone!) and I have a pretty normal life these days. My childhood wasn't, but that is another story for another day. I'm married to my military sweetheart of near-16 years, and together we've managed to create a girl who is not only smart, but pretty, talented and creative to boot. We live in a simple single-family house with three dogs and a pair of cats, and I have a nice, normal job at a local hospital. I'm even so vanilla I play in a community orchestra and am part of the Girl Scouts. Nothing too overly exciting, I'm afraid.

I have, however, managed to do the right American thing once I got out of the military. I got fat. I got lazy, developed a taste for fast foods, sweets and sodas, and an aversion to working out. I am fat enough that my ass fits into a pair of men's size 42 paints. At 5 foot 3 inches tall, that is not a pretty picture! I know this, and yet I keep eating crap and not working out. Small rewards work for a short time, but after a while they are neglected and eventually the bad habits return. So I've decided to give myself the ULTIMATE CHALLENGE-ALLEGE-allenge (cue dramatic music). Within one years time I want to be at 120 lbs. If in that time I am at my goal weight, I will begin the process of arranging to get to London. I'll set aside money, I'll find local hostels (but no going to parties with hot but strange guys, thank you very much, Eli Roth!) or whatever, but I want to get there and immerse myself in the culture of the country and its history. My mini goals will also be reshaped to reflect the trip, like picking up travel books, new luggage, and the final step- the passport. I think this will be a great step and help me take the weight off by getting me somewhere I've always wanted to visit.

So that's my plan thus far. It's not too bad, really. And it's totally feasible, especially if I can get a deal and make it work for me.

So here we go. I hope you enjoy the ride.

*~Smee

UPDATE:
HOLY CRAP! I'm looking at over $1,000 just in airfare alone, looking online! I think I may have to find sponsorship or grants or something because that's not even food, travel (like a rental car) or lodging. This is going to be hella-interesting to throw together.