"How the Dog Broke Your Bone"
The twelve-year anniversary is coming up soon. Twelve years since she was taken from me, leaving me to wander and wonder why. It was her hand that took her, her mind holding her hostage, driving her along the fatal course that I couldn’t navigate, as much as I tried, just to save her. In the end, it was nothing but tail lights and me alone in the road.
It seemed she was destined to follow his lead. He, with the silken voice and cloudy eyes, he with the demons that only seemed to draw her in tighter. His word was gospel and I was the heretic, speaking out against his truths, and I was condemned to burn at the stake for the witch I was.
And then he was gone. Overpowered by his demons, he spiraled into oblivion and was gone. She was shattered, fragile, full of feelings of failure that she could not save him. My words gave her no comfort. His demons became hers, feeding on the darkness filling her soul. Internal voices picking apart her mind, clouding her thoughts, crushing the spirit I had fallen in love with. She never showed she was hurting. Always the strong one.
And in his footsteps, on a different path, she traveled. While she had the sky as her playground, she chose the coldness of the ground to lay her head. Lost as prayer on the wind, never again to gaze at the stars that once held her childhood dreams, our love she held was not enough to save her. The agony for her was felt by us all when we realized holding her would never again happen.
I hold onto the thought that a soul as beautiful as she is in an eternal realm, as equally beautiful. I see her in my dreams, in my child who bears her name and is too young to remember. I see her in the sunlight that streams through my window and caresses my cheek as she once did. I hear her voice on the wind as it rustles the leaves on a fall day.
There is never a day where she is not in my thoughts, and I can only pray that when my time comes she’ll be there, waiting for me, her arms open and warm, and a smile on her lips. “Syd, say hello to heaven,” and in her embrace I’ll find it.
“Say Hello 2 Heaven”, Temple of the Dog